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Monday, November 6, 2006

Sullivan-Designed Getty Tomb Destroyed by Fire

by Dan Kelly (Special to Ecology of Absence)

(Chicago) Early Monday morning, as firefighters played canasta nearby, the tomb of Carrie Eliza Getty burned to the ground in Chicago's Graceland Cemetery. Investigators are perplexed as to how the solid limestone and bronze-gated mausoleum caught fire, but chose not to pursue an inquiry, suggesting that, perhaps, the corpse of Ms. Getty was operating a blowtorch. The fire also defied the laws of physics by leaping into the night sky and descending upon and consuming the Sullivan-designed Ryerson tomb several hundred yards away. Traces of fire damage and spots of urine were likewise found covering Sullivan's tomb nearby.

"It's a shame, really. I guess. I mean, I don't especially care." said local developer Vic Sharkbastard as he and a surveying crew measured the 20 foot area formerly occupied by the Getty Tomb for a future, 500-unit condo. "But, hey, these things happen." Sharkbastard then cleaned the mud off his boots by scraping them against the gravestone of photographer Richard Nickel.

"Chicago has to go forward, it can't go backward," said Mayor Richard Daley. "If you're going backward, you're not going forward. People like the fires. They're pretty. It's nice to pack a lunch and watch the fire. It's a tragic loss of some of the city's history, but not really tragic, because, you know, you're going forward with the fire and the lunch and not backward." Mayor Daley then unwittingly on accident and without malice sat down on a dynamite plunger, the force of his ass starting a chain reaction of blasts, causing Carson Pirie Scott, the Auditorium, the Gage group, and the Krause Music Store facade to implode. "Oopsy. Heh heh heh," said Daley.

5 comments:

Paul said...

"Sharkbastard" haha

Andrew J. Faulkner said...

Mmmm wonderful... satire... I get it!

I see someone else has been appalled by the utter desecration of history going on in the Windy City.

I read They All Fall Down about the same time I got interested in Architecture, have taken trips to photograph Sullivan buildings, and am enraged by the events of the past year.

If it keeps up like this StL is going to have more Sullivan buildings than Chicago...

Robert Powers said...

You nearly gave me a heart attack for a second there.

Mike said...

I'll second the heart attack. I read about the Wirt building fire on organica.org and couldn't believe when a second Sullivan building burned a few days later.

Mike said...

P.S.
Do you know that Richard Nickels favorite Sullivan building lays in storage at SIUE in Edwardsville.
The front facade of the Albert Sullivan home which Louis lived in for a few years has been there for 35 years or so.
I'm not impressed by the condition of the "Slivan collection" or the condition of the displays.
They have recently auctioned off items at Ivey-Sellkirk in St. Louis.