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Saturday, December 23, 2006

Recipe for Your Own Blairmont Company Name

Find two or three street names within the Fifth Ward. Cobble them together in an unexpected way and tack on a "Venturers" or "Partners" or "Associates" label to give the name sobriety. Get CT Corporation System to register the name as an LC or LLC (and make sure there is an accompanying mirror company), and use it to buy property within boundaries of I-70 on the east, Delmar on the south, Grand on the west, and Natural Bridge/Branch on the north. Kudos if your property is adjacent to city-owned land or an RHCDA development project. Double kudos if you buy your land from the Board of Education, the Public Administrator or the Sheriff at a tax sale. Triple kudos if your purchase lowers property values and destabilizes a part of a neighborhood where you want to buy more parcels. If you buy a building and it becomes a crack house, give yourself a gold star. If you actually ever develop the property, get the mayor to give you a gold star and a TIF.

Here are some possible names:

Branch + Knapp = Brapp Venturers LLC.

Stoddard + Leffingwell + Elliott = Stolefiott Associates LC.

Dayton + Gamble = Dayble Investors LLC.

Howard + Knapp + Helen = Hownhel Associates LC.

Dodier + Sullivan + 23rd = Ervan 23 Investment Ventures LC.

And so forth.

Try your hand and leave your names in the comments section.


Claire Nowak-Boyd said...

I would like to present mine as riddles.

Q: If normal, responsible property owners play by the rules and fight fair, then how is Blairmont playing the game?

A: Cass and Warren - Asswar Enterprises

Q: What do I wish they would do with their properties?

A: Preservation and Love Joy - PreservLov Investments LLC

Q: How does my neighborhood look since Blairmont's refusal to even simply board up their buildings has been causing horrible fires?

A: Blood and De Soto Park - BloodDe LLC

Q: Where did these Blairmont rubes learn their manners?

A: BMU Associates LLC - Bacon Magazine University!

Q: What should Santa leave Blairmont and its supporters in their stockings?

A: Benton and Cole - TonCole Investors LLC

Q: How obvious is it that these guys are greedy to make lots of money off the North Side?

A: Baldwin and Cass - BaldAss Ventures LLC

Anonymous said...

I don't think anyone can come up with a more apt name than BaldAss Ventures LLC.

Anonymous said...

I went to Bacon Magazine University, and I'm not destroying your neighborhood. Bacon is generally a very positve thing. If bacon owned buildings, I'm pretty sure they would be properly secured, and people who wanted to buy and rehab them would not be blown off or treated like dirt.

Anonymous said...

Maiden Lane + Hogan = MaidHo Developers

Anonymous said...

Winghaven + McKee (member of the right-wing Privatization Council): WingNut

Anonymous said...

A construction company founded by two guys Paul(McKee) Rick. PARIC